10 Mind-Blowing, Bizarre 90s Cartoon Theories

Disclaimer: These are all insanely odd or a stretch, so use your imagination… or don’t. Ultimately, it’s just a bunch of overanalyzing cartoons, so being realistic isn’t particularly a priority.

1. Gaston From Beauty And The Beast Is A Repressed Homosexual

This theory is somewhat undeveloped and difficult to find details on, but basically the over-the-top, ultra-macho persona is an act, and Gaston is secretly gay – perhaps even for his buddy LeFou. See, Gaston overcompensates by being as masculine as possible, yet he’s brushing off the abundance of women throwing themselves at him. Subconsciously he goes after Belle, who he knows would never touch him. His immature courting of Belle doesn’t stand a chance of resulting in anything, and he knows that.

Belle then gets a rich, abusive boyfriend who locks her up and doesn’t release her until she’s gone Stockholm, and when Gaston tries to come to her aid, the psycho boyfriend kills him. He died knowing he was gay, but not knowing that he knew he was gay.

2. Doug Was Sexually Assaulted By Mr. Dink & Took Drugs To Cope (It felt weird to even type this sentence out.)

I feel like it’s about to get a little stranger, so just pretend a little ‘TV MA’ logo popped up to warn you of the impending eeriness. Ready? K, so, this theory states that Doug’s neighbor, Mr. Dink, was a child predator who preyed on Doug, leading to Doug taking LSD (that he stole from sister Judy’s room) as a coping mechanism. Here’s the imagination stretching evidence to back those allegations:

- Mr. Dink always invites Doug into his home to show him some “very expensive” high-tech gadget. Even in the first episode when they meet, Mr. Dink pressures Doug into coming over to watch a video. Also, there’s a point in the show where Dink offers Doug a chance to work in his heavily secured shed.

- Mr. Dink has no children, but is the scout leader of Doug’s Bluffscout troop. There’s an episode where Doug, Skeeter and Mr. Dink get lost while canoeing. Dink says he’s going to search for camp, and when Doug & Skeeter go after him, they find him butt naked in a tree, claiming to have to have “lost” his pants.
10 Mind-Blowing, Bizarre 90s Cartoon Theories
Mounting a tree in the nude while in the wilderness with two 11-year-old boys? Suspect.

- Judy never wants Doug in her room. It’s a strongly enforced rule, and in an episode where Doug went through Judy’s belongings, she’s irate. Why? Because obviously she’s got a ton of LSD in there, and doesn’t want Doug finding and/or mooching on her stash.

- The LSD would explain all of Doug’s hallucinations. We thought it was daydreaming, but were we actually riding the enchanted train on Doug’s psychedelic journeys? There was an episode where Doug is home alone, sneaks into Judy’s room and later, while in the basement, begins hallucinating. Yeah, more like Drug Funnie. For the more detailed theory, click here. Continue reading

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Toy Story + The Walking Dead = Zombie Loving 90s Kids’ Dream Come True

Toy Story + The Walking Dead = Zombie Loving 90s Kids' Dream Come True
Things like this are why we love the Internet. Recently many folks online have pointed out similarities between AMC’s The Walking Dead and beloved 90s classic, Toy Story. My personal favorite is the undeniable resemblance between Lotso the a-hole bear, and The Governor. Check out this video below, which is only about 42 seconds minus the credits, but still so, so very fantastic.

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#119 Doug Funnie And Mr. Simmons Are Basically The Same Dude

Things 90s Kids Realize

For those foggy on Mr. Simmons, let’s jog your memory and get you up to speed.
He was a teacher on Hey Arnold and, as the picture makes evident, he was essentially an adult version of Doug Funnie. Does anybody remember this moment shown below? It features Simmons nearly dropping an F-Bomb which we probably didn’t even think twice about as kids:

Donning those classic green sweater vests with a white shirt underneath — these two resemble a father and son coordinating outfits for the family portrait. It makes one wonder, was this intentional or were the cartoonists at Nickelodeon simply lazy about drawing out new wardrobes? Whatever the case may be, it’s hard to see one without thinking of the other in the back of your mind, because the resemblance is fu…fudging uncanny.

Cory & Topanga Are Back In Girl Meets World!

Before watching all of these romantic comedies or being consumed by Bella and Edward of Twilight fame, we had one fiction relationship that we rooted for and emotionally invested in as if we were a part of it. Cory and Topanga, the couple developed over 7 seasons of Boy Meets World,is the definition of romance in the eyes of 90s kids and Disney lovers across the globe. They are returning, fulfilling one of my top three prayers of returns from that decade (still have fingers crossed for Legends of the Hidden Temple and Supermarket Sweep revivals).

Danielle Fishel and Ben Savage officially signed on to the series, which will be called Girl Meets World. It’ll cover the married couple parenting their 13-year-old daughter. This is good news. No, this is great news. I know there are many skeptics who are treating this comeback like a fragile, old collectors item that they don’t want anyone to touch because they fear it’ll get damaged. I understand that, really I do – but this is CORY AND TOPANGA we’re talking about here, I’m not seeing anyway that it’s not, at the very least, better than the other junk being aired on Disney.

The only legitimate downside of this is that it magnifies our rapid aging. Copanga (admit it, you love that) being old enough to have a teenage daughter means we’ve come a long way from watching Boy Meets World on ABC’s TGIF back in ’95. Let’s embrace this. Sure it could be bad but so what? If it’s the worst thing ever, we can just pretend it didn’t happen… Like the new Figure It Out on Nickelodeon. Folks don’t even acknowledge that mess’ existence.

Be happy! Are you happy? This feels like when you have potential career news you’re excited to tell your Mom about and you hope that she’s ecstatic, but you know there’s a chance she’ll be like, “Meh, that sounds like a scam but I guess if you want to do that with your life…” – crushing every ounce of joy and excitement you had in a matter of seconds. Don’t do that to me – be as excited as I am. Let’s rekindle our crush on Topanga and hope that Feeny (Feeee-he-he-heenay) returns for a cameo or ten.