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#86 South Park & The WWF Attitude Era Corrupted Us.
We were good kids. We were really good kids. But somewhere along the way, something happened and it changed us. We started hearing cuss words and seeing middle fingers and we felt the need to adapt those things into our everyday lives. South Park, which began its run in 1997 was not something that all of us were allowed to watch, yet many of us snuck a peek at the crude humor of Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny. Parents thought it was a bad influence and in many ways it was. That being said, those of us in possession of a fully functional brain grasped the concept that it was only a cartoon and took strictly the vulgar words and crude jokes – not violence, from the show. However, WWF’s attitude era was a different story – it made us use cuss words AND be violent, but how could we resist? It was so hard to not flip people off and open a can of whoop ass after watching Stone Cold Steve Austin do it on Monday nights. Hell, if we were of age we probably would’ve downed a 12 pack of beer immediately after. Then, we had to watch Degeneration X rampaging around the WWF with their disrespectful shenanigans which made us want to defy all forms of authority in the most sarcastic, rebellious ways possible – and then tell them to “suck it”. If that wasn’t enough we got our cocky, douchebag tendencies from The Rock and his electrifying personality. When you look back and remember being innocent, well behaved children, just know that South Park and WWF circa 1997 are the reason you’re so vulgar and disrespectful to your peers in present day. And that’s the bottom line, because I said so. Smell what I’m cookin’?
Posted in Realizations
Tagged Cartman, Chyna, DX, Kenny, Kyle, Pro Wrestling, Shawn Michaels, South Park, Stan, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Triple H, WWE, WWF Attitude Era
#85 Honey I Shrunk The Kids Made Us Cry Over A Dead Ant.
While the movie came out in 1989, it was tremendously popular with 90s kids and for good reason. This movie was around during a time when special effects weren’t exactly spectacular yet they managed to pull off some pretty aesthetically surprising things. In addition it had an awesome story that kept us on edge throughout the film – so on edge that 99% of us grew very fond of the ant named “Anty” that befriends the group of kids during their journey as tiny people. Just when we arrived at a point where we really came to care about this ant, a scorpion comes along and tries to make dinner out of the kids. Anty, seeing the kids’ lives in danger, sacrifices himself to save them. It is hands down the bravest thing ever done by a fake insect and as much as one may hate to admit it, it made you cry… Or at the very least made your eyes fill with tears. The noble ways of Anty made many; myself included, really reconsider how we treated ants. I’ll admit, as a kid I liked to play Godzilla and stomp on bunches of innocent bystander ants from time to time, but seeing Honey I Shrunk The Kids changed all of that. Not only did I stop mass killing ants but I began checking every spoonful of Cheerios for itty bitty humans before eating it. I know I’m not the only one guilty of this though because seeing Wayne THISCLOSE to eating his son Nick in a bowl of breakfast cereal towards the end of the movie was pretty traumatizing.
#84 Stoop Kid Had A Really F’d Up Life.
If Stoop Kid were real, his life story is the type of thing Oprah would dedicate a full episode to. First he was abandoned on a stoop as a baby and that alone is pretty damn bad. It gets worse though, he raises himself on the previously mentioned stoop eating apples from a nearby tree and basically loving and protecting the stoop as if it were his family. His obsession gets out of control as he aggressively shoos away and harasses each and every passerby. When Arnold exposes Stoop Kids fear of leaving the stoop to the general public, kids torture him with a very public, massive verbal lashing. This is all HORRIBLE. I mean, sure in the end Arnold kind of helps him become comfortable leaving his stoop and that’s sort of redemption but that doesn’t change the cold hard facts that follow:
1.) He was abandoned as a baby and nobody found and/or took care of him.
2.) Nobody loves him. Hell, nobody even likes him besides Arnold.
3.) Nearly all of his life has taken place on a stoop.
4.) He has a ridiculously thick unibrow. Seriously. Look at him.
Now, we can all look past these things and be satisfied that Stoop Kid is no longer afraid to leave his stoop but if you’re a decent person then surely the conclusion of that episode wasn’t adequate for you. If you’re a cold-hearted person and that ending was sufficient – you probably related well to cartoon characters like Angelica Pickles.
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Posted in Realizations
Tagged Hey Arnold!, Nickelodeon, Oprah, Stoop Kid, Stoop Kids Afraid To Leave His Stoop
#83 150 Pokémon Was More Than Enough.
So 90s kids were the original embracers of Ash Ketchum, Pikachu and the other 149 pocket monsters. I remember the popularity of Pokémon in my school and looking back, it was pretty remarkable. Pokémon cards were like drugs, there were kids spending their lunch money on cards or stealing from Mom’s purse for a holographic Charizard (in case you don’t remember, holographic cards were running for crack prices — or so it seemed that way). There was so much Pokémon every which way you turned that it consumed you. Before school you could watch the cartoon, during school you played and/or traded the cards and after school you could watch some more while playing the video games on your Gameboy. I recall a point where a good portion of my classmates were able to list all 150 Pokémon with ease, yet they couldn’t fathom the thought of learning 10 new words for a spelling test. All of the 150 original Pokémon were LEGIT but of course, they had to expand and create more and more until it was damn near impossible to keep track. If you’re a 90s kid then it’s likely that the names Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle mean a lot more to you than Darkrai, Shaymin and Arceus (the three newest Pokémon). Now there are 400-something odd Pokémon so don’t bother trying to catch ‘em all. The original 150 will always hold a special place in our hearts and our Pokéballs.
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Posted in Realizations
Tagged Ash Ketchum, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Original 150, Pikachu, Pokemon, Squirtle
