#21 Juice Makers Wanted Us To Die Of Dehydration.

Kool-Aid, Capri Suns and Hi-C wanted us to die of dehydration. This isn’t a theory or an opinion, it’s a fact! I mean, why else would you offer bottles, boxes or pouches that only provide thirsty kids with two sips of drink?! Insufficient juice is a problem that went on throughout my entire packed lunch experience and until someone changes the dimensions of their juice holder, the youth will be thirsty. In addition to this, Capri Sun provides you with a thin yellow straw that you have to jimmy into a tiny, resistant hole with the utmost precision. Failure to do so results in a mess that makes you question if the juice is worth the squeeze.


28 responses to “#21 Juice Makers Wanted Us To Die Of Dehydration.

  1. And that is why I always had two juice-whatevers in my lunch bag. It’s no wonder kids turned to soda – 12 whole ounces of fizzy liquid goodness vs. 6 ounces of a juice-like substance that left you wanting more.

  2. Man you were doing it wrong! capri sun was easy once I figured out the trick. You have to invert the pack, and with lighting fast speed jam the straw into the bottom. It worked every time. Awesome blog by the way.

    • While we weren’t lucky enough to get Capri Sun (we always got Mott’s apple juice or Juicy Juice) I agree, that’s the way everyone started getting at the juice: stab the bottom.

  3. The worst were those Juicy Juice boxes. They were ridiculously tiny.

  4. For me it was always 2 yoohoo boxes for lunch until I discovered root beer.

  5. Clearly you missed the metaphor for future sexual encounters 🙂

  6. My mom solved this problem by buying us an extra-large juicebox by the brand name of BOKU! I’m from Northeast US- anyone else have this stuff? I remember the juice tasting pretty gross, but it must have been a whole pint. The kids at summer camp started calling me and my brothers “Boku” because they thought it was weird that our juiceboxes were so outrageously large.

  7. What I wanna know is: who’s kids were the designers of those ridiculously tiny juicy juice boxes making them for. I could kill 4 of them at my friend’s houses without quenching my thirst…

  8. I’ll admit I was somewhat of a flirt all throughout elementary school so I used to pretend to struggle while opening my Capri Suns and ask the cutest boy in the class for help… Worked everytime.

  9. Muscular Beaver

    How about Mondo? Anybody remember those? They were delicious, but I don’t think they even tried putting any vitamins or anything in there.

  10. Haha I loved Mondo! I always got in trouble for chewing on the little caps after I opened them though.

  11. I remember how anyone who put the straw in the back of the Capri Sun pouch was a bad ass.

  12. lmao!!!!!!!!! yes!!!!

  13. I love Capri Suns! Talk about the best part of my childhood!

    But honestly the best part about #21 is the Girl Next Door reference. Did anybody catch that?

  14. Haha, I think my boyfriend’s dad stopped buying juice boxes because I’d go to his house and drink three or four of them at a time… I only discovered juicy juice a couple years ago, but it’s even worse with those! I can’t get enough of the stuff it’s so tasty, but the boxes are so tiny! I never really liked Capri Sun, though I always found it fun to blow up the pouches like balloons when I finished them. Sunny D was really good because it came in a bottle big enonugh to quench my thirst and it tasted decent, but sometimes they were so hard to open!

  15. No love for Squeez-It’s?!

  16. What about Mondo, best drink ever (alcohol excluded)

  17. Did anyone ever have the big Capri Sun’s they were like twice as big and still really good flavors. I think they might have come out in the really late 90’s though.

  18. Yeah, placing the straw in the Capri Sun was an art, it took me a while to figure it out, but once one does, it’s easy.

  19. This is hilarious…I so totally agree! Couldn’t get the straw in at first but finally learned the trick.lol. Got tired of Capri Sun Juicy Juice and Mondo so started with the bagged milks at lunch. Anyone remember or have those? They were bags of milk(white or chocolate) had a yellow straw and you poke the straw in anywhere. Use to drink like 4 or 5 of them tho. Then they disappeared and the little cartons came back.

    • We still have milk bags for lunch where I live. The straws are horrible though, they always break and bend and you have to gnaw on a bag’s corner to make a hole, that’s the only way to be able to drink that thing -_-
      I always have to help my little sister with her Caprisun pouch, and does anyone remember when Kool-Aid started giving out pouches too and they were see though? I always liked the green one.

  20. Capri Suns were just about the bane of my existence. I loved those things, but they just were never enough. I think they left me thirstier than before I drank them. I never did have a problem with getting the straw in the hole. I also loved Squeeze-Its. They didn’t taste as good, but they at least had a little more juice in them.

  21. Anybody remember those tree top apple juice cans that were ridiculously tiny? I drank a whole six pack in 5 minutes on a bet once lol. I remember finishing Capri suns or hi-cs and then breathing in and inflating them. Then they’d be all puffed up and I’d then jump on them and it would make a huge popping noise. I was really easily amused as a kid lol

  22. I was incredibly clumsy, so more than half the time, I stabbed straight through the pouch and juice went everywhere.

    That said, I always had two Yoohoos in my lunch. Either that, or one of those nameless juices that came in the barrel containers and always make me think of Bug Juice.

  23. oh my goodness I used to always pack a Capri Sun with my lunch and my friends would ridicule me of how I drink so little, and at times I would get my straw all bent up by trying to stab it into that little hole.

  24. @Laura We still have milk bags where I live. But the straws are horrible, they always bend and break so you have to gnaw a bit on a bag’s corner to make a hole -_-

  25. It’s funny how no one realizes all drinks with sugar (Juice, soda, etc.) make you thirsty either way. Just stick with some good old water…or just stop complaining about the size and use two juice boxes. Seem logical?

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