Category Archives: Realizations

#121 Friends, Seinfeld, And Mad About You Take Place In The Same Universe

90s television was no stranger to the crossover episode routine, but in doing so you’re placing the shows involved within the same fictional universe. They did this with Full House and Family Matters when DJ’s friend Julie’s cousin turned out to be Steve Urkel.
I presume this was some twisted parallel dimension in which pesky neighbors ran amok, considering Kimmy Gibbler and Steve Urkel lived next door to the respective families in each series.

This happened with many other shows, but what many may not have noticed was the linking of Mad About You, Friends and Seinfeld. Continue reading


#120 Arnold’s Grandpa Was Kinda Inappropriate

For starters, Grandpa Phil’s head was undeniably shaped like a penis – I mean, look at it — just by being shown on screen, phallic head Phil was inappropriate.

Phallic Grandpa Phil Head

If the silhouette of that man’s head isn’t problematic enough for you, let’s look at some more not-so-child-friendly moments involving Phil throughout the series.
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#119 Doug Funnie And Mr. Simmons Are Basically The Same Dude

Things 90s Kids Realize

For those foggy on Mr. Simmons, let’s jog your memory and get you up to speed.
He was a teacher on Hey Arnold and, as the picture makes evident, he was essentially an adult version of Doug Funnie. Does anybody remember this moment shown below? It features Simmons nearly dropping an F-Bomb which we probably didn’t even think twice about as kids:

Donning those classic green sweater vests with a white shirt underneath — these two resemble a father and son coordinating outfits for the family portrait. It makes one wonder, was this intentional or were the cartoonists at Nickelodeon simply lazy about drawing out new wardrobes? Whatever the case may be, it’s hard to see one without thinking of the other in the back of your mind, because the resemblance is fu…fudging uncanny.

#118 Miss Trunchbull Is Terrifying.

Matilda is a classic book and film from the 1990s that entertained – but also disturbed us. The specific character responsible for our discomfort was the physically intimidating, demented, aggressive Miss Trunchbull. This woman, who resembled anything but one, did a number of things that are typically prohibited in schools. Let’s take a look at some of her disturbing deeds.

Shoving Kids In The Chokey: My deepest fear for a good portion of my childhood, was being forcefully placed in a Chokey-esque room. With its snug dimensions, and nails & glass shards sticking out of the walls, The Chokey takes the cake for teacher-student brutality… Speaking of cake, let’s move on to her next action.
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#117 SuperMarket Sweep Made Shopping Look Like A Blast.

As a child, I loved going to the grocery store — and I think this game show was the cause of that. Even today, I don’t hate shopping – it just isn’t as fast paced and fun as I’d anticipated. On the 90s Lifetime version of SuperMarket Sweep, there were a variety of question games that entertained us momentarily – but they knew what we really wanted. The “Big Sweep” was so exhilarating to watch, I can’t even imagine partaking in such festivities. Basically, the teams would run through the store, filling their carts with whatever they could get their hands on. The goal was to compile the highest grand total, which decided the winners. Continue reading

#116 Rescue 911 & Unsolved Mysteries Made Us Paranoid.

There were the unrealistic fears that 90s kids got from reading Goosebumps & watching Are You Afraid of The Dark; then there were real-life terrors. Nothing provided more genuine paranoia than Rescue 911 and Unsolved Mysteries. Hosted by the great, William Shatner, Rescue 911 featured reenacted stories (on rare occasions, real footage), covering things from child accidents, to drug overdoses, to my personal favorite – home invasions. I was always fearful of this and I believe it’s a direct result of the sh-t I saw on that show. Continue reading

#115 90s Internet Was Nothing Like It Is Now.

Recently I spotted a young whippersnapper, no older than 11, using his fancy laptop in Starbucks. My attention turned his way after he kept audibly muttering complaints about the speed and consistence of the public Wi-Fi. Apparently the high definition, 1080p Youtube videos weren’t loading up to par with his whiny wishes and he was enraged by it. Sadly, the generation of young folks currently on the rise has no idea what a 90s kid’s internet experience was like. Some of the struggles we dealt with included:

1. Being forced to hear a loathsome (borderline unbearable), Dubstep sounding combination of screeches, beeps and unidentified noises for about 30 seconds EVERY single time we connected to the internet. (SEE BELOW).
2.  About 50% of the time, after waiting for the detestable dial-up sounds to pass, the connection STILL failed.
3. If we were fortunate enough to successfully connect to the internet, ANYTIME thereafter that somebody needed to use the phone, you were forced to disconnect to free up the phone line. (I can’t remember how many times I heard the phrases “Get off of the internet, I need to make a call!” or “I’m waiting on an important call so nobody get online for the next few hours…”
4.  The internet used to be handicap turtles at the DMV slow. In the year 2012, buffering is often considered intolerable. For 90s kids, it was a regular occurrence. Patience wasn’t a virtue, it was a necessity.
5. Wi-fi didn’t exist, which meant if you were on the internet, you were likely sitting at a desk on a home PC.

Honestly, as time consuming and troublesome as our internet experience was, it was still magnificent. At the time, we knew nothing about high speed, wireless connections or anything of that nature – so we adored our raw, brand new technology. The point here is that those born in a faster, more efficient internet era will never appreciate the remarkable improvements that have been made. Our patience as 90s kids was tested, therefore, it’s a lot easier for us to relax when a computer has a little loading time, than someone who has never experienced that… OK, who am I kidding? I slam the mouse or scream obscenities at the computer during the slightest of malfunctions too, but at least I know from experience that things could be worse.