In 2017 we’ll see the return of the Power Rangers, and now we know who’ll play arch nemesis Rita Repulsa. Continue reading
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Now, a while back I made some Goosebumps covers that would scare the crap out of adults, which included titles such as Return Of The Check Engine Light, The Monday Morning Alarm Clock Of Doom, The Cop Who Drove Behind You For Miles, and The Curse Of The Undone Laundry.
Today, I’d like to present some more covers, though these are geared specifically towards driving fear into the souls of homebodies and introverts. I feel like there are so many possibilities and routes to take here, so I covered some worries that I think most of us can relate to, but I encourage you to share the things you dread on a Goosebumps level in the comments.
Brace yourself before scrolling further, folks, it’s about to get scary as heck.
Disclaimer: These are all insanely odd or a stretch, so use your imagination… or don’t. Ultimately, it’s just a bunch of overanalyzing cartoons, so being realistic isn’t particularly a priority.
1. Gaston From Beauty And The Beast Is A Repressed Homosexual
This theory is somewhat undeveloped and difficult to find details on, but basically the over-the-top, ultra-macho persona is an act, and Gaston is secretly gay – perhaps even for his buddy LeFou. See, Gaston overcompensates by being as masculine as possible, yet he’s brushing off the abundance of women throwing themselves at him. Subconsciously he goes after Belle, who he knows would never touch him. His immature courting of Belle doesn’t stand a chance of resulting in anything, and he knows that.
Belle then gets a rich, abusive boyfriend who locks her up and doesn’t release her until she’s gone Stockholm, and when Gaston tries to come to her aid, the psycho boyfriend kills him. He died knowing he was gay, but not knowing that he knew he was gay.
2. Doug Was Sexually Assaulted By Mr. Dink & Took Drugs To Cope (It felt weird to even type this sentence out.)
I feel like it’s about to get a little stranger, so just pretend a little ‘TV MA’ logo popped up to warn you of the impending eeriness. Ready? K, so, this theory states that Doug’s neighbor, Mr. Dink, was a child predator who preyed on Doug, leading to Doug taking LSD (that he stole from sister Judy’s room) as a coping mechanism. Here’s the imagination stretching evidence to back those allegations:
– Mr. Dink always invites Doug into his home to show him some “very expensive” high-tech gadget. Even in the first episode when they meet, Mr. Dink pressures Doug into coming over to watch a video. Also, there’s a point in the show where Dink offers Doug a chance to work in his heavily secured shed.
– Mr. Dink has no children, but is the scout leader of Doug’s Bluffscout troop. There’s an episode where Doug, Skeeter and Mr. Dink get lost while canoeing. Dink says he’s going to search for camp, and when Doug & Skeeter go after him, they find him butt naked in a tree, claiming to have to have “lost” his pants.
Mounting a tree in the nude while in the wilderness with two 11-year-old boys? Suspect.
– Judy never wants Doug in her room. It’s a strongly enforced rule, and in an episode where Doug went through Judy’s belongings, she’s irate. Why? Because obviously she’s got a ton of LSD in there, and doesn’t want Doug finding and/or mooching on her stash.
– The LSD would explain all of Doug’s hallucinations. We thought it was daydreaming, but were we actually riding the enchanted train on Doug’s psychedelic journeys? There was an episode where Doug is home alone, sneaks into Judy’s room and later, while in the basement, begins hallucinating. Yeah, more like Drug Funnie. For the more detailed theory, click here. Continue reading